I have recently come to the realization that I have been roommates with both a spy and a vampire.
The spy was my old roommate, Clark Gunnerson (if that is even his real name). I believe he was actually an Israeli spy who's mission was to ascertain BYU's intentions with the Jerusalem Center. He masked his identity by pretending to learn Hebrew (a likely story), but his pro-Israel stance on all Middle East issues gave him away. When he graduated from BYU and could no longer spy there, he married an ex-KGB provocatuer and worked at the University of Utah to get closer to church HQ (his next assignment). Now he has gone back to his homeland to institute the "Gunner Plan."
The vampire was Brant Stewart, whom many of you know but didn't realize his true nature. My evidence is that I never saw him during the day. He would be gone in the morning before I woke up (supposedly to "Volleyball practice"), and he wouldn't get home until I was asleep. Chances are he was using the night to prey on my blood every night while I slept, a little at a time. I always wondered where I got those scars on my neck. Also, he spent a substantial amount of time in Transylvania, which everyone knows is the home of Dracula. My belief is that he did not move to Washington D.C, but he moved to Alaska, where it's night time for 6 straight months.
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4 comments:
In accordance with the charge given me by Russ, I must point out that the word believe in the last sentence should be replaced by its cousin belief. That is unless you are going for an e e cummings touch, in which case I applaud your nonconformity.
Ha ha!! (a la Nelson de los Simpsons)
I don't know what you mean. It has always said 'belief'. (I say this as I wave my hand in front of your faces like Obi Wan)
Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I'm fairly certain that my ex-roommate, Jordan Keith (J-Rod), was being secretly filmed for a reality show in Great Britain.
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